6 month mark

here i am at 24 weeks and what a long strange trip it's been.

tuesday was gibson's big surgery day. to save on expenses, we went to a clinic (half as much as going to our vet); but with savings often come sacrifices. in this case, i had to sacrifice my time. after about a 40 minute drive (morning rush hour!) we waited for about 2 hours to be checked in. 2 hours in a room packed with owners and pets, all waiting forever, most not having eaten or drank since 8pm the night before, all struggling to stay calm despite the palpable discomfort of everyone(2 and 4 legged alike). gibson did make a friend, a 7 month rottie female, which provided some distraction with the occasional wrestling match, but even that had to be limited, given the circumstances. i returned after work to pick up gibson, only to wait another hour (watching a video of the exact same information provided on a handout). i picked up a coned, drugged out, depressing and depressed being in the guise of my dog and i almost cried. in the car and often that evening he would stand still and stare off into the distance for several minutes at a time. i was worried for him and did everything i could to comfort him and let him know he was loved, despite the day's traumatic experience. we keep telling ourselves it's for the best, and by wednesday evening we were reassured when we had our old gibson back. he now tears through the house, bulldozing his cone through everything, not letting it slow him down. so it looks like we still have gibson, though not anatomically sound, and are ready to continue his training to be the best big fuzzy brother he can be. i know he'll love his little brother/sister and i'm enjoying working with him to get him ready for the arrival.



i discovered on wednsday that i've gained another 4 pounds, putting the pregnancy total to 24 to date. i still like to exclude that first 10 lbs in my head, which makes the total seem much better. but the fact remains that although i eat well and do a little work out every morning, i'm not getting the exercise i need to keep the weight gain to a minimum. i'm dedicated to give this baby the best life possible, and a key ingredient will be my health and well-being. adam and i will have to work together on this, so we're both the healthiest e can be.

work has been very challenging. back in may, i broached the subject of a modified schedule with my bosses. i proposed working sundays instead of fridays, in an effort to get caught up on a project i've fallen sorely behind on. not only would i get caught up, but it would mean less hanging over my head come maternity leave time; plus, i'd have the added bonus of spending time with adam over the summer to get some quality time in before the baby. both bosses agreed and i enjoyed some wonderful productivity for about a month. then the hr director caught wind of my arrangement and decided it "set a bad precedent." and so, though there is no policy to support the hr director's position, my boss decided to rescind the offer of having a productive summer. among many reasons why this is disheartening, i was secretly using this request as a litmus test for potentially working part-time come parenthood. oh well.

i was disappointed yet again by my boss when i was brought on as an afterthought to a project i should have lead the way on. i have been assured that if i try my best to overcome ridiculous odds, time lines and management, i will not be "blamed" if the project doesn't come through successfully on time. so i am trying my hardest, despite frustration and challenges at every turn. however, i learned a hard lesson at my previous employer that stress gets you nowhere but creates unhappiness, illness and lack of productivity. so, while i do give this project my all, i am not putting in long hours at the expense of my home situation and not over worrying at the expense of my sanity and well being. this past week has challenged my creativity and problem solving and i only hope the coming week brings a miracle so things work out well. we'll see.

last night i attended part of the festivities at my friend meg's bachelorette party. for as much emphasis as there was on drinking, i still managed to have fun, and my pregnancy status was discussed without stealing the spotlight. she is by far one of the most genuine people i know, balancing fun, crazy, sweet, intelligent, honest and all other good qualities into one cute little package. i'm so excited for her wedding, i know her and andrew will have a long and happy marriage and if they are blessed with children, will make wonderful parents. i'm really disappointed that i won't be able to make it to their wedding. this is due to 2 things: 1) i don't have a willing victim to travel to grand rapids for the event and 2) adam isn't keen on me travelling without him in my current state.

i appreciate adam's heightened level of protectiveness since i've become pregnant. it's a comfort, not a burden, and i love him for it. i know the little one will grow to appreciate it as well, but if it's a girl, she may resent him for it for a while. in the end, i think kids should feel a balance of being protected but independent; protected enough that they feel confident, confident enough to rely on themselves, but having someone to fall back on when they need it.

movin' right along

this pregnancy is moving so fast, it's hard to imagine i'm more than half way there already (23 weeks).

this past friday had to be one of my most fun pregnant days so far. i had a random woman walking down the street smile at me in such a warm and friendly way; i knew it had everything to do with my belly. at work i had 2 different people congratulate me on my pregnancy. . . they hadn't heard about it yet from someone else. then we went to aaron's house for dinner, where we visited with grandma, auntie linda and brian. the novelty of discussing the pregnancy hasn't worn off yet, so it's still fun for me.

it's kinda nice to be showing in this way, that people can figure it out all on their own. plus, depending on what i'm wearing, it can be more or less noticeable. it doesn't help that i seem to be carrying all in front, but in a very broad way, so i'm not very round and it's easy to chalk up to fat. i know adam thinks i worry too much about how i look, but i can't help it. in my mind, it's more observational than obsessive; i'm not upset or unhappy for not looking so pregnant in the past, but it is definitely fun to be looking more and more definitively pregnant.

it's also super duper neat to feel the baby move around. the movements are getting more noticeable and powerful. i tried the other day to get adam to be able to feel a kick, but as soon as his hand was on my belly, baby stopped moving. i know there will be plenty of time for baby watching once he/she is here, but this is such a novel experience, i hope i can get adam in on the action too.

gibson and i had a good time yesterday: we went to the beach for the first time, and it was very successful. he got to meet and run around with a bunch of new dogs and it was neat to see that once off leash, he was much better about not punching dogs in the face. he still licks male dogs' privates a bit more that i'm comfortable with, but i'm trying not to apply my human standards to his behavior too much. i even got him to go into the water; i had to walk in at first, but once he was there, he liked it (though the small wave action intimidated him a bit). after that, he'd follow other dogs in, fetch a ball out of the water, the works. he likes to bite at the water and drink it, so when he'd work up a foam around his mouth from running, i'd lead him in for a drink. i'm not sure if he'd actually swim (he did this porpoising thing, jumping around) but maybe we'll explore that for next time. since his surgery is coming up this week (for real this time, now that i know what to plan for), he'll be able to go to the montrose dog beach, which is a tad closer, but inevitably more crowded. overall, the best part for us was not only to see him clearly have a blast at the beach, but then at night, he slept so soundly!

i know it's normal, but i'm starting to get bouts of nervousness about the baby.will i find a miracle way to afford to stay home with the baby? will we make enough time to be as nurturing as we need to be, to have the baby live up to our high expectations? am i going to go crazy being away from the baby at work? will gibson like is new sibling? all i can do is acknowledge the thought and let it pass. i can do very little about my concerns now (though i'm always looking for opportunities to earn from home) and i can't let them bog me down or stress me out. i dont' work well under stress and i owe it to the baby to be as healthy and happy as possible. truly, very little good comes from worrying, so i need to keep it in check. it sounds good as i write it, but in practice, it's a bit more challenging, but i'm managing so far.

july is here

and so is the half way point. and so are name selections. and so are recent ultrasounds. and so is baby movement! i didn't think that much has been going on, but i guess it has.

back on 6/16, i came up with a norwegian girl's name i could feel good about (and adam was fond of too). we'd agreed a while ago that if it was a boy, his name would be vahe adam; after his grandfather then following the family tradition of taking the father's first name as middle name. we unofficially decided it was up to me to come up with a girl's name, and i really wanted something ethnically relevant to my heritage. upon perusing various online resources, it became obvious just how great the name freya really is. the majority of norwegian girls names are very guttural, harsh sounding and just not very appealing to my english-speaking ears. i kinda liked Aase (but it sounds/looks to much like ass), gunda was ok, as was inca (but could be confused with the central american ancient population), and i'm going to hold onto toril, eir, and mista. but then it came to me: nissa. nisse are part of norwegian folklore and are helpful farm spirits (elves) that are associated with christmas in modern times. the spelling ending in 'a' just gives it a more feminine feel, i think. so there it will be; nissa rachel. in the end, the real test will be this (which i read somewhere, so it's not my original idea): how comfortable will we feel bellowing out these names over the playground? i think these two will work just fine.

i have to say i love being 20 weeks: half way there. it's a nice, substantial milestone in progress and i'm finally transitioning between just being fat and having a bit of a round baby belly. depending on the outfit, i actually look pregnant!

but then there's the ultrasound pictures. they are amazing. a little person all there and developed, it's nuts. and the technician jamie was great: she really printed out some excellent shots that are fun to share with people.

and like magic, knowing the little one is growing so big and healthily, i can feel some movement. little twitches, but i'm pretty sure that's what they are. i don't feel them all the time, but its weird to notice when i do: after i eat, when gibson is close and investigating my belly, when adam comes home. it's a wonderful reassurance that everything is progressing as it should.

and now july is here. the weather is warmer and i've worn my suit twice now. once to sit in the plastic kiddie pool (which gibson really wanted nothing to do with) and once to weed. it has the best, most comfortable support, so i'm sure i'll be wearing it a bunch this summer. the yard is coming along, though i could do without the brown spots on the lawn (thanks to gibson). we enjoyed our first "crop" of jalapenos last week, sliced on burgers. very good! i've done some follow up weeding and although the garden fencing is working well to keep out gibson, it's a pain in the butt to work with to move it to weed, so i'm thinking of alternatives for next year. but for outdoor enjoyment, i'm hoping the 3-day weekend coming up proves relaxing and sunny. here's hoping!