live and learn

so yesterday, when changing nissa's diaper, i noticed some redness, so i decided to let her "air out" for a few minutes before putting on another diaper. i try to be sparing with diaper cream, so i wanted to know it was needed (and not just red from sitting funny) before applying. i stood nissa up in her crib, grabbed some dinner and sat down in the rocking chair across the way. a few bites in, i noticed nissa's eyes looked a little watery and she seemed to be really concentrating. then i heard a soft "thump" and i thought, no way! i put my plate down to look and sure enough, there was a little poop right there on the bed below her. i found it very comical. but things changed from comical to disgusting pretty quick, as the solid poop was followed by not so solid stuff, and in my scramble to clean up and reapply a diaper, more came, she finished and sat down and proceeded to run her fingers through it. argh!! so i scooped her up, wrapped her in a diaper then busted out the duck. bath time! but no sucking thumbs or washcloths this round. . . and that's why we keep 2 sheets for her bed.

on a less disgusting note, i noticed nissa is crawling on all fours now. she has always been able to, but tended to drop down to her forearms when she really wanted to cover some ground. she favors the upright position now. very cute. she's taken to crawling the length of the basement now. she'll stop and look back every once in a while; i guess to make sure i'm still there. i wonder what she'd do if i weren't? through the course of the ground she covered this weekend, she discovered gibson's bowls. first it was the food, which she flipped around a few times with her hand before grabbing a piece and bringing it to her mouth. yes, i stopped her before she could try it. then she found the water bowl, in which she splashed with both hands. gibson looked on, annoyed, so i picked her up and we left gibson in peace.

nissa has also become very adventurous in her climbing. she has always pulled up on the shelves at the end of the changing table. saturday she pulled up to the next shelf up, then was standing on the lower shelf. she was ready to keep going too! adam and grandma g seemed a bit exasperated by my letting her do this, but i was intrigued- i wanted to see how far she'd go. i had her spotted and the shelf supported. it was fine.

so i tried yesterday to practice "mama" with nissa. i used adam's method of pointing to her, "nissa", then to me, "mama". we did this a few times and when i stopped short of saying "mama" and pointing to myself, she said "dada". ha. she doesn't know him! she just knows what to say. i'll keep working on it, though.

hair!

my little girl is finally getting some hair; to the point that it's kinda curling up at her neck. it still doesn't seem like much, but looking back at older pictures, there's definitely more of a presence on that noggin of hers. it even gets food caught up in it when she grabs her ear in repose.

this morning she did something to remind me of her grandma- got her hair curled around her fingers. mom used to always twirl her hair in her fingers, but now that she wears her hair short, that's not really an option. it was a really neat thing to see.

on a side note, nissa doesn't just twirl her own hair. for a second time, she's gone after her cousin's hair. when we visited last weekend, nissa crawled right over to sarah and grabbed a handful. i pulled her hand away (after carefully extracting the hair, of course) only to have her go right back for it. this time she even made sarah cry. mean ol' cousin!

struggling at work

i know everyone who is employed by someone else will find themselves frustrated at one point or another. put another way, everywhere you go, there's bound to be an idiot that you have to tolerate, or at least someone making less-than-desirable decisions (that you like well enough) that you need to tolerate. how do we all make it through the day? do other people just have more enjoyable jobs that the trivialities seem less important?

i'm struggling right now with the plethora of poorly made decisions surrounding me at work and wondering how to cope. they run the gamut of big decisions to little decisions, higher ups and lowly nobodies. it's kinda giving me a headache.

i'd love to look for a new job, but where? sure, on paper i'm an adult now (married, home owner, parent, oh my!), but i feel as little as ever, wondering what i'll be when i grow up. is it possible to find a job that i enjoy doing, employing one of my enjoyable skills, that earns enough to pay the bills that linger in my mind, mocking my life-long goal of being a stay-at-home mom? or do i just find one that i can tolerate for now, to keep the bills at bay? i know i'm not living up to my potential professionally, but is that just a pipe dream anyways? sure it's nice to have savings, not need to "cut back" with the recession upon us. . . but is it worth it?

or am i taxing my mental well-being for the sake of taxing? do i need to just suck it up and put these thoughts out of my mind? or just the "stay at home" thoughts and pursue the "living up to my potential" thoughts? a combination of the two would be ideal, but then again, i think having a more challenging, worth-while job would help me get over going to work every morning. i wish i knew where to start. i need some fairy godmother-type person to wave her wand and make my path clear, since i am excellent at following directions (most days, at least). it doesn't have to be step by step, just a general direction would do. something to focus on, something to aim for, something beyond earning a paycheck.

there's gotta be something out there.

happiness is a warm, snuggly baby

that is the definition of happiness, but also of dread and loathing when your next stop is work. why can't we not be in a recession so i could just quit for a while? nissa is getting to be so much fun and though i do well during the week, the weekends have become chore marathons that involve ushering nissa from high chair, to jumperoo, to exersaucer. that's no way to live, when you're an adventurous little kid who loves to crawl and is learning to walk! we did spend some time playing and climbing, but that was when i was folding laundry. so all of the playing was really done by her. after a lame weekend like that, it's hard to go back to work. add in the fact that nissa was unusually cuddly this morning and i almost called off. to have her just so comfy on my chest that she drifts back off to sleep, it's heaven. she's gotten long enough that i have her straddle my lap (so i have my arms free to hug!) and her head is just at my chin- the perfect height for kissing. i hope the day goes quickly today.

gibson got a little cozy action with nissa over the weekend. nissa was doing her thing crawling around the basement and pulling up on the coffee table. gibson, in his usual style, laid down not too far away, exactly between nissa and i, parallel to the coffee table. hissa got her water cup down from the table, sat down and had a drink. gibson was right there, so she leaned back and got comfy. it was the cutest thing ever! sure, i would have loved to snap that precious moment, but i knew the moment i moved, one or both of them would move too, so i just sat back and enjoyed the view. i'm so glad they get along well, it makes my day.

i have to conclude today's post with exciting news- the big girl poop is back. we saw some friday night, saturday morning and this morning, so i hope it's starting a trend. so much easier to deal with. . .

catch up

so i was so excited at the beginning of the week that nissa had pooped twice solid- no more for the rest of the week. all runny and sticky. gross! i guess new poop isn't instant. . . i'm still hopeful.

upon further investigation i discovered nissa doesn't have one tooth, but two! two bottom teeth are there and equipped to chew on everything nissa can get in her mouth. rick's sofa cushions, aaron's leather couch, the wood coffee table at home, her own crib. nothing is safe any more. keep your hands away from the mouth!

nissa covers more chewing ground with her super speedy crawl. it's nothing fancy, but man does she go quick. plus, she's discovered a way to get from crawling to sitting. sanding to sitting too! i'm so proud. she has been able to hold herself up in a sitting position if we put her there, but now she can get there all on her own. now that she's got this skill down, i see her preferring to be in it to play with things and otherwise investigate.

the latest thing that bears investigation is the ball bopper. it's crazy! sure, it's a simple product, but it spews balls all over and gibson goes nuts over it and nissa just sits back and watches in amazement. it only took a couple of days for nissa to figure out how to hit the plunger to start the balls a-boppin'. i hope to catch the action on video, cuz i think it'll be priceless.

the definition of priceless is nissa's first words. adam's been practicing diligently to get nissa to say "dada" on purpose- referring to him. she's made the sound for a long time now (with mama, baba, shhhh, etc), but we need to work on getting her to employ those sounds. sure enough adam was practicing friday morning, pointing to himself "dada" pointing to nissa "nissa", back and forth several times and the last time he pointed to her, "nissa" he pointed to himself and paused and in a tiny whisper, "da da" came from nissa. i think that counts! a daddy's girl. i should have known. i just need to step up my practice. this whole "source of food" advantage will run out soon enough. . .

so last but not least, a side note. i was reading an article in the paper the other day about some homeless students who not only completed their high school educations, but did so with honors. it was really inspiring to hear about these students beating the odds, then kinda made me feel like a slacker. the most interesting aspect was that one of the students took the bus with me every morning! her and her girlfriend often took up several seats with their backpacks, much to my annoyance, until they departed at Lake View. knowing this individual's back story makes me proud to have "known" her and though i'll probably never see her again, i hope she keeps this strength and puts it to the best use of continuing to make her life wonderful.

big girl poop!

so, in the world of motherhood, you find elation in the mundane. yesterday was one of those times. i was changing nissa's diaper and had to call adam upstairs to witness: nissa had made a big girl poop. no runny, pasty, grainy yellowish mess, but brown and firm. i feel kinda foolish describing it here, but it was such a big difference, i feel it's necessary. she had another one this morning. we dumped it in the toilet, waved good bye and flushed it away. i just hope she keeps it up because this is a lot easier to work with!

speaking of mundane joys- nissa has 2 teeth in that little mouth of hers, not just one. they are both on the bottom and still flush with her gum line. but they are sharp little buggers and she insists on putting them to use. when i went in her room after her nap on saturday, she was standing in her crib, chewing away on the end of the bed. i seem to recall little toothmarks on my old headboard from my own chewing habits. . . nissa has taken to standing in her crib quite well. thank goodness grandma a recommended we lower the mattress when she did! most days now adam finds her standing when he gets up. sometimes yelling, sometimes not. but almost always standing.

the tricky part about all this standing is having somewhere to go after that. i happened to read a couple of weeks ago that most babies need help learning how to get down from that glorious standing position, something i had never thought about. but it wouldn't be the first time that we discover things out of order, or at least impartially. so having witnessed her go tumbling down from the precarious standing position more than once, then proceed to cry and cry, i thought i'd try to help. when she stood up, i took her hands away from her support and guided her onto her bum. we did it a few times, made it funny and enjoyable. did it a bit more briskly a few times to get her used to her new natural enemy, gravity. this weekend i was starting to see progress: she very tenuously attempts to lower herself down from standing. she kind of squats a little, but holds on for dear life with her hands until she's ready to commit to the drop. it's a big deal and i've been telling everyone about it! i'm so proud.

what i'm not proud of is how she treats her cousin. well, it's not all bad, but nissa still has an unfortunate attraction to her hair and is motivated to pull it. before doing so and making sarah cry, she did grab her leg and smile at her, so it wasn't all terrible. it's fascinating to watch them interact.