it is done

saturday night was the last night i nursed nissa before bed. i obviously have mixed emotions about it, but mostly i'm happy about what a smooth transition it was. nissa had been shortening her nursing session gradually over a long time and i saw the end coming. saturday she nursed for all of 5-10 seconds and was done. i knew that was the sign that we were done with that chapter of our relationship.

as it turns out, the bracelet (one of several, this the most recent) i wore to track sides fell of as i mowed the lawn saturday during the day and i didn't notice until after it had been mowed. i salvaged about half of the beads, the rest are lost in the grass. needless to say i have a whole new appreciation for the sharpness of those blades! i guess it was a sign- the reminder was lost on the day that i no longer needed it.

i am in awe by how i experienced this whole process. at first, i didn't think i'd make it at all, with sore (and bleeding!) nipples and stressed more than necessary, both loving and dreading the time spent (love=with nissa, dread=quarantined from the rest of the world). then we settled into a good rhythm that easily took on pumping. i felt like we could nurse/pump forever and couldn't imagine how to even think about weaning. as nissa got older and ate more table foods, especially as she began to drink cow's milk, her mother's milk demands became less and less. i easily dropped a pumping session here and there; excited when i got down to one a day. even before then, i was able to continue a ridiculous pumping schedule as long as i needed to, till i felt like i couldn't pull it off any longer, then dropped a pump and was OK. i assumed it would all work out, just not as easily as it has. i was bummed to phase out the morning sessions, but relieved to have my mornings back to myself. i would have held onto the evening sessions longer if i could, but nissa made it easy and stress free. now i feel like we've concluding things in a mutually beneficial way, before it got awkward or needing extra work.

so last night we followed our routine of pjs and teeth brushing. i cradled her as if to lay her down into her crib and nissa was not interested. so i brought her close and sat down on the rocking chair. we just sat, doing what we usually do after nursing (nissa playing with my face, giving hugs, squirming around) and then tried to lay her down again. she went down without incident and slept through the night. whew.