bad mommy day. . .

so today marks day 6 of ani's nursing strike. it started thursday after work- i got bit a few times, then cried at and nothing. i've been cried at and pushed away for 5 full days. i know it's temporary, but it's killing me. sunday she at least took the nipple, but bit and moved on. yesterday, no luck. i tried sneaking in this morning to sleep feed, but ended up waking up both girls. ani wouldn't go for just being comforted, so i had to prep a bottle, but it didn't really satisfy her. poor nissa! when they fell asleep and i tried to sneak out the bottle i left in the room, i woke ani yet again and i could hear nissa repeating one of my wee-hour lines in a groggy, desperate voice: "it's still very dark outside, it's time to sleep." sometimes i don't give nissa enough credit- she is fantastic with ani and always tries to calm her down and help. in the car, she'll ask me to turn down the radio so she can sing the abc's: that's ani's favorite. sure enough, if ani was crying, she'll quiet down and stop with nissa's singing. you read nursing strike stories and they are often of a similar tone. . . i never knew how hard it was until i experienced it myself. it seemed like it lasted forever, but i was grateful when it was over. well, i will be grateful. . . eventually. it's hard to relax and think positive. i think i'm getting there, and they both seem to test me up to a point. . . ugh. 5 days. i hope i make it out sane!