Best part

Since i have had a relatively easy breastfeeding experience the third time around, i am counting my blessings. 

When zabelle was really little, she would give "hungry kisses" when it was time to eat. Sure, it's just a reflex, but hungry kisses are more fun. 

When she got older and started babbling, she started telling my breasts secrets. She pauses mid feeding to look right at my breast and whisper to it. I don't know what she is saying, but my breasts appreciate the kind words. 

At the moment, feedings on the bed have become joint yoga sessions. If i am lying down, she will do anything but. Downward dog is a current favorite both on and off the breast. My favorite is when i lay on my back and she climbs up, because she looks right up at me and i love her little face. 

These are all the best part about breastfeeding, with more to come. 

Goddess no more

For almost nine whole months, i was a motherly milk goddess who fed her nursling and it kept my cycle away. 

But lo, i am mortal again today, with the first spots of menses. And so it will be each month until menopause. 

It was great while it lasted! A year and a half without my period was fantastic. Plus, i still get to feed my nursling as she grows into a toddler.

I like having this third baby- i know what to expect, so there is less guessing. And in that peace of mind and confidence comes the patience to savor so much more than with the first two. 

When I Grow Up

As a kid, I dont remember aspiring to be anything when i grew up. Maybe as a really little kid, but not when i was "old enough to remember." So when the girls are future-focused, i take notice. 

Nissa has the strongest focus so far. The focus changes, but still backed by fierce determination with every shift. 

Her fist declaration was to be a paleontologist, just like doctor scott on dinosaur train. For a bit, she wanted to be a fireworks technician. Then she wanted to be a mommy and ___ . The and varied, but paleontologist stuck around for a while, also swimming instructor, gymnastics instructor, and i think guitar teacher, too. 

The latest, of which i am most proud and excited, is engineer. Her vision is almost magician-like: when she gets older, she is going to invent anything and everything. She foresees no practical limits on what she will be able to make by being an engineer, it is inspiring. I need to write some ideas down!!

Parenting win

Not only do the girls enjoy watching Dr Who, but now Nissa is saying "Oi," just like Donna. 

Mommy fail

It doesn't het much worse than this. In my haste to get to bed, i didnt take the time to make sure zabelle was in a safe spot on the bed. In the brief moment i was on the other side of the room, she flipped over and off the bed. That thud breaks my heart to remember it and ive never heard her scream like that before. I hope i never do again. 

I am sorry, zabelle, for not keeping you safe. I am glad you are ok, but i am so very sorry. 

Funny ani

Recently, Ani has really discovered her knack for wit. Not sure how intentional it is, but its been getting good.

We were leaving to go somewhere and i asked her to get buckled in on her own. I know she can do it, but she likes to ask for help holding the slack and id like her to be able to do it herself with confidence. Anyway, she pretended to try then screamed and decided she couldn't do it. On instinct i took the slack to help and asked if that was so hard. She replied "no, i screamed and then you helped." Grrr. 

Another time she was taking a bath and got soap in her eyes. Adam suggested she splash some water on her face to get the soap off. Ani replied "water got me into this mess!"

In other bath news, when i gave zabelle a bath tuesday night, she refused to lay back in the infant tub! She only wanted to sit up (i spotted her, but i hardly helped), and started enjoying splashing the water. Ducky tub time is here! 🐤

Dont blink

Don't blink, blink and you're gone. Its just like parenting, just without you leaving - its your kids childhood.

😥 i was thinking about nissa today. Just friday she couldnt do something because she was too tall, then yesterday she got a big kid toothbrush from the dentist. Slow down!!

On the plus side, she loves to watch dr who, and ani is tolerating it better!

wow.
one year ago today, we told the girls we were having another baby! a year later, we have a happy, healthy, fierce raspberry-blowing 5 month old, who is the perfect addition to our family!

Being Ani's mom

Its not easy being the mom that Ani needs, but I am trying. She has different needs than nissa, and nissa has me a bit spoiled. 

I think she needs structure, but lots and lots of love. Discipline has to come with a side of hugs. And i need to find time to do more with just us. Im putting it on the list. And i need more patience for the barrage of repeated questions.  

This picture summed up the weekend - she was in timeout in her room and passed me notes under the door. I passed her one too, with an "i love you" message and a picture of us. She actually stayed in her room longer to continue passing notes this way. Then I found out the next morning that she ripped up my note to her because she didn't like how i drew her face. Ouch. She wasn't mad, just not satisfied with my drawing skills. 

Sleep!

As an experiment, we have broken away from our usual schedule and I've been letting Zabelle sleep until she wakes up. Last week had mixed results, but this week she is sleeping like a champ!!

7, 7.5, and 8.5 hours at a stretch!

Im so excited!

I know it wont last, there will be a growth spurt or something, but I'm hoping it will last a little bit to help me recover some rest. Making up on the weekends isn't always enough. But being able to skip that 2am feed is uh-maze-ing!

And, i was amazed two mights ago that Z seemed to know me and Adam by name!!?! I asked if she could sit with daddy for a minute and she looked at him. While she was looking at him, Adam asked her where mommy was and she turned back to me. It was pretty impressive!

Love my phone now

Both passively and directly, I had avoided getting a smart phone in the past. My lowly green slider had become a bit of a badge of honor. 

Then the time came where it was reasonably affordable to get a new phone and we jumped at the opportunity. I am so glad we did! 

Not only does my phone help my ailing memory in so many ways, but it has helped me manage my beloved pictures! I can take great pictures 80% of the time with something i always have close by. I love the convenience of saving those pictures from my phone, posting them to online albums, and being able to then look at them any time. With a new baby, and zero free time, i am very grateful for this convenience!! I kind of wish i had it sooner....

Older

You know you're getting older when that cute, stretchy haler dress you bought in high school becomes a cute, knee-length skirt in your 40s. 

What a great mother's day looks like to me: celebrating being a mom for a third time, getting hand-made birthstone jewelry, spending time with *my* mom. 💝

Pavlov

i love the Pavlovian response of a breastfed baby. At the snick of the bra clasp, Zabelle opens her mouth like a baby bird. 

Baby talk

So it turns out that zabelle is a pretty talented baby! She speaks several languages already, despite having only started babbling a couple weeks ago.

She speaks japanese (aca and hai), pirate (ay), and english (ok). We are working on her armenian, but she does respond to gahtik. 

There is nothing better than a sleeping baby in your arms. The gentle breaths and the nuzzling cuddles as she gets comfy. The sublimely content face of someone so without worry you are almost jealous. The occasional dream suckle of her mouth when you know she's thinking about her favorite pastime. 

So this is what my life has come to

Last night i had a dream that i was pumping. Strange enough right there - i only do it once a day now, do i need to do it in my dreams too?

But, it gets dreamy when i realize i've been pumping for way too long (45 minutes?!?!?) and most of the milk from the left side managed to leak all over the floor somehow. Lefty is the good producer, so this is really tragic. It was so dramatic to look at the bottle and see very little, then the tablecloth below have a wet puddle that went over the edge of the table and down the side, and the wet parts of the dining room rug glistening from where the milk dripped down. Oh the humanity!!

But seriously, i am glad our nursing efforts are going well. We feed on a schedule/on demand during the day and no longer than every four hours at night. I have a night system bedside that lets me change her cloth diapers, complete with water bottle and phone charger. 

I don't know if its selective memory or rosy glasses now, but the third time feels like a charm to me and i am trying to sit back and enjoy every minute. Really savor it.

And it fills my heart to learn that adam was up late playing guitar - learning "rainbow connection" to surprise the girls with. 

Adulting!

Last night i went to the bar for a beer with allison. We got to chat, uninterrupted, for over an hour and it was great. Cant wait to do that again!!

Back at it

So after blowing through two packages of diapers from the hospital and a 100 pack from the store (that were too big, duh), we are back with cloth. 

I'm glad to do it and hope it is as easy as i remember. 

In other news, Zabelle is up to 8 lbs 9 oz! Totally used the food scale for the job... but with a capacity of 11 lbs, why can't it be the best tool for the job?

And, in other exciting news, Im able to wear my wedding band again!

Baby talk

Zabelle appears to have three methods of communication... the obvious first is crying, which still carries the cat-like tones of a newborn. Then, there's the zebra murmurs and the slowly-leaking balloon imitation. Last, but not least, are the old man grunts. Not sure what most of it means, but we seem to be managing ok so far. 

The one thing I don't like is all of the hiccups. They don't bother her per se, but the can wake her up and inspire her to seek out a different position. 

The night before

so tomorrow zabelle will be brought into the world. I'm excited to finally meet her. It's been another fantastic pregnancy and i consider myself blessed. Sure, the morning sickness at first was terrible, but afrer that it was smooth sailing. I hardly felt out of sorts at all until this past weekend; then i felt huge and wadddling and eager to rest often, despite being compelled to get it alll done. Just all of it.

Im grateful for doing so well. It allowed me to carry nissa from bed each morning and go to yoga on saturdays. It afforded me time to get the house ready so adam can focus on the girls while we are in the hospital. It let me get things ready at work, right up to the day before. I even got to grow a cute, round belly this time.

Something i hope to remember is how nissa left for school in the morning these last few weeks. After We decided on zabelle's name, nissa would say good bye to me, the wisper good bye to zabelle (to my belly). It was the sweetest thing. This morning, she said she couldnt wait to meet her tomorrow.

Which makes the current hospital rule of no visitors under 18 very beartbreaking. The flu season is rough this year, so the state isnt taking any chances. Grrr. Nissa said it wasn't fair that she could visit ani when she was born, but ani cant visit zabelle. I agree and again i impressed by her heart. How did i get so lucky?

getting ready

so, baby #3 is due to arrive 2/1/17. Her original due date was 1/31, which was moved back to 1/28 after here 20 week ultrasound, but now surgery is scheduled for 9:30 am on 2/1. i'm excited.

this weekend was filled with efforts for getting ready for her arrival. washing clothes and other items, reorganizing the girls' room to make room for the crib, cleaning our room to make room for the bassinet, throwing out junk from the attic.

while folding the little newborn-sized onesies, once again it strikes me just how tiny this little newcomer will be. sure, we've done this twice before (as adam was quick to remind me), but it's so tiny!!! at least i'm not breaking down in tears as i realize this, as i did when i prepared for nissa's arrival. gimme a little credit.

i'm so proud of us all working together to get ready. the girls are so good with helping with laundry, i'm really impressed - and they work together with minimal bickering. adam was amazingly thorough when cleaning our room, it looks quite respectable in there right now. i loved how excited the girls were to witness what i worked on in their room, despite my constant requests to get out of the way. we switched the ladder on their bunk bed and rearranged the shelves in their closet to move their clothes off the shelves and out of the dresser. just have to cut another shelf and find some brackets to complete the project! well, that and rearrange some furniture, toss the shelves, and bring down the crib.

while i was working in the closet, ani commented to nissa, "mommy's tummy is big!" it's always interesting when ani decides to notice something. she is often in her own world and is quite the opposite of the hyper-vigilant observer that nissa is. but yes, it is big. and i love it. i won't be sad to see it go, but it's kinda fun while it's here.

deciding on a name for girl #3 was a challenge, since we were all rooting for a boy (and that name has been ready for the last 9 years!). but, on the way home from thanksgiving, we stumbled upon the combination that we believe works best: Zabelle Valeria. zabelle after great grandma margaret (her Armenian name), annette's mother and Valeria after great grandma valeria, armin's mother. it can be a bit of a mouthful, and almost impossible to decipher when ani rattles it off (as she is fond to do for anyone who will listen), but a beautiful name for a beautiful little addition to our family.

morbid math

on our way to school today, there were several stories on the radio about the passing of Clare Hollingworth (http://www.npr.org/sections/thetwo-way/2017/01/10/509125437/reporter-who-broke-the-story-of-start-of-wwii-dies-at-105), the famed trail-blazer female reporter.

the fact that she lived to 105 caught the attention of nissa, and she commented that she lived longer than grandma margaret, who only lived to 94 (ok, almost 94, about two months shy).

so what do i do? i ask her how much longer ms. hollingworth lived than grandma margaret. she correctly answers 11.

on one hand, i'm glad we can speak so freely about the wonderful woman who left us, grandma margaret. on the other hand, it seems weird to discuss her life in the context of a math problem.