Dinner conversation

Overheard at my table: 

ooh la la, your hair looks beautiful. 

Oh, your hair is terrible!

The catch: this conversation was being narrated by Ani, between two florets of broccoli.

10th anniversary

on a lighter note, today marks ten years of marriage for adam and i. it's not a surprise, but it is kinda neat. here's what i posted on fb, and i liked it:

seriously good times. just the other day we were discussing what it means to be in a good relationship, or conversely, what seems to derail bad ones. the best guess we could come up with is that we didn't, and still don't, rely on the other for happiness. sure, adam brings a lot of happiness into my life (and other feelings too:P ), but he is not my exclusive source and i do not rely on him to provide my happiness. he contributes to my happiness, and what a fabulous contribution he makes.

politics and personal experience

so one of the people running for president has had multiple accusations of committing sexual assault. most from the past, but some victims coming forward now after the candidacy has shone a bright light. is it possible some victims coming forward are doing so for a deceptive reason? yes. is it likely? no. these people are not "just remembering now," they are just now being comfortable in saying something. in response to someone posting a meme about "just remembering," i gave the following response:

according to RAINN, 2 out of 3 sexual assaults go unreported. reasons are all over the map, but the top two reasons are fear of retaliation of doubting police would help. the context is clearly different today and these women believe saying something now could make a difference. the decision should not be trivialized.

sexual assault should never be trivialized. it's more prevalent than people realize and making in the butt of a joke does nothing to help. instead, that attitude keeps the crimes in the shadows and keeps victims ashamed and silent.

Unwelcome burden

For the first time in my childbearing life, i felt like an unwelcome burden on those around me. When I'm with other adults, I don't focus on my pregnancy, just talk about it when asked, especially with new acquaintances. 

But last night, i had someone light a bowl in the same rom as me, when i am wearing a snug fitting top and obviously showing. It wasnt until another person started opening windows and turning on fans that she thought to question her choice. I was prepared to just step outside, but the disregard was surprising. 

Eventually, Nearly every room in the house had people smoking of one sort or another. And the back yard had smokers too. It was hard to be anywhere and it stunk. No one asked me about my pregnancy, but no one really talked to me either, and i think my belly had everything to to do with it. I would never question another forty something about why they didnt have kids, why was our choice so socially crippling? Ugh. So annoying. 

Check up

So last month, baby's heart rate was at 144, today it's up at 150ish. Cool. Loves the left side, for some reason.

This is the third appointment i've had with a student and it has been good, but a challenge. Each asks for his or her own history, so i have to remember all kinds of stuff. Like at how many weeks was each kid delivered? I dunno. Ill have to calculate that out some time, i guess.

UPDATE: got to get a quickie ultrasound (instead of just doppler) to check the gender of baby A3. it's most likely a girl. trying hard not to be disappointed, but happy to see a beautiful, healthy baby in there. seriously, that little spine and wiggling appendages are just adorable.

baby #1 due 11/12/08, born 11/18/08, 40 weeks + 6 days
baby #2 due 12/30/11, born 1/4/12, 40 weeks + 5 days
baby #3 due 1/31/17, to be born 2/6/17 ;)

Turned the corner

In the last week or so, i think I've turned to morning sickness corner. I appear to have traded the nausea for heartburn. It's not much of a trade, but at least i can take a tums for heartburn. Plus, i don't seem to need to sleep a minimum of 10 hours per night any more, 8 or 9 seems to cut it. And my appetite is a bit more normal too. Yay! Pregnancy is such an adventure. 

Odd squad moment

Odd squad is one of nissa's favorite pbs kids shows, afer wild kratts. At the end of each episode, ms O calls out the viewers and asks for their help for the squad. Today, she said,"you, with the recent hair cut! It looks great." And nissa replied "thanks, ms O" because yeah, she just recently took a few inches off!

Cat's out of the bag

We are expecting our third kiddo in january and broke the news this week. The best part was telling the girls. They knew "mom and dad were working on it," but didn't know we were successful yet. 

They got a joint present with big sister shirts and an ultrasound. The shirts didn't clue in either of them, but the picture prompted nissa to ask, "who has a baby in their  belly?" It wasnt adam, sooooo. Ani squealed and nissa beamed. So fun. 

And such a relief to speak freely in public about feeling crappy! It's either age of different hormones (rooting for a boy), but i have felt terrible the last few (7) weeks. I think the complaining might be making me feel better. 

So the girls are now very mindful of my belly and ani has started talking to my belly, i mean, the baby. She even sang it twinkle, twinle little star last night. When they got up to go to the bathroom last night, i was greeted with, "hi mama and baby!" I am loving this. 

Cavities

Nissa had four cavities after her last appointment and we split them between two visits. We just finished the second today. I'm proud because despite screaming bloody murder when getting novocaine, she smiled and was in good spirits before and after the shot today. I'm impressed that the terror of the shot (not without its challenges), didn't ruin her day.  

why, mama?

why is your stomach so big, mama? ani asked me last night as i slouched lazily on the couch after coming home from work. because i really need to go to the bathroom! "ha, your belly is full of pee," ani chuckled.

i think she might be on to me.

Proud of my reader(s)

Last night, we had Chinese take-out for dinner. It was prompt and delicious as always. Unlike most nights, the girls ate well and didn't make me too crazy. After dinner, Nissa read both Ani's and her fortune with ease! Then Ani carried on about reading the Foot Book and many others, by memory, of course. A lot of excitement around reading last night for sure. 

Baby?

In the last two months, Ani has been extra interested in babies. She told someone that she was going to be a big sister, but we didn't know if it was a girl or boy yet. Um, can we wait until a baby is on the way before we say stuff like that?  She loves her glow bug, because she had it when she was a baby. Can we carry her like a baby? Can we push her in the stroller abound the block? She only has snacks in baby snack cups. Do we still have the bottle she drank from as a baby? Can i pretend to be a baby? Geez!

Not wrong...

Nissa's homework came home the other day. She is not incorrect on number 11, but that is not the right answer either. Do i say something? Ah, the challenges of parenting. 

Ani joke

Knock, knock

Who's there? 

Ani

Ani who? 

That's hilarious!

Wise words from a stranger

In response to a compliment, "I know," is the same as "thank you," when you are four. 

When i was three

Ani's new statement to affirm anything that happened in the more distant past (longer ago than "yesterday," which may or may not be the day before today.

Compromise

Today was primary day and Nissa came with me to vote. She listens to NPR with me in the car and we have a lot of valuable discussions as a result. 

She is very excited by Hilary Clinton's campaign because she would love to see the  first girl president. If she could vote today, she would have voted for Hilary. But I don't think she is the best candidate, despite her prior experience. I am a Bernie fan myself and would love to  see him run with Elizabeth Warren as his VP. It would be magical.

But back to voting. I voted for Bernie, but also had to vote for delegates, so a compromise came into play. Out of the five delegates I picked, four were for Sanders and one was for Clinton, just for Nissa. It really made her day and I'm glad to get her interested and excited about how our government works.

sleeping battles

so lately bedtime has become a full-out battle. the "getting ready for bed" battle is fought by both Nissa and Ani, but the sleeping battle is always just Ani.

when nissa started school last year, it was hard to get her up in the morning. she was so accustomed to sleeping in until 9am or later; she always was a good sleeper. but slowly, she became accustomed to the early rise time and started waking up early on weekends too (but of course, waking up during the week is always a chore). for a while she could play or get the ipad to keep busy while ani slept, but it didn't last long and soon ani, too, was up at the crack of dawn with nissa. this change was a big part of why we stopped going to sunday school. . . i couldn't take ani, because she was not ready to be in that environment, and adam was still asleep when i needed to leave. it made a nice morning out with just nissa a very stressful production week after week.

well, after a full summer of waking up way-too-early, ani has become fully accustomed to getting up earlier than necessary too, and the days of sleeping in on weekends for me are gone. ah, such is life. but with this change, has come an unfortunate change in ani's behavior. she's cranky, prone to screaming and/or crying, is very difficult come dinner time (often refuses the food offered), even more selective in her hearing (especially as it relates to doing something "for me," like picking up), and going to sleep at night is very, very hard. we tried putting her to bed earlier than nissa, but she often just played or cried until nissa came to bed. we've tried naps here and there (though this is hard for grandma or grandpa to implement consistently), but she usually just plays or cries the whole time and IF she does sleep, that just yields an even crankier ani when she wakes up. (when you didn't think it could get much worse!!)

so yes, i am fairly certain this undesirable behavior has a lot to do with not enough sleep for ani. but if she won't nap and is overtired come bed time, what do we do? at her annual check up, doc recommended an earlier bed time. we did it for both girls - moved bed time up from 8pm to 7pm (it's hard to imagine, but it used to be 9pm). for a little while, it was great - the girls went to bed, i got extra time to actually relax before going to bed myself, life was relaxing. but that lasted maybe a couple of weeks. now, 7pm starts the war between ani and i, and then lasts for an hour or two; my only solace is that we are getting an earlier start. she can't sleep, she wants the light on, she's thirsty, she needs to go with nissa to the bathroom (even though nissa just peed 15 minutes prior), she wants to sleep with us. . . it's a mess.

the battle usually involves a lot of yelling by me, sometimes by adam, and occasionally a spanking. calm talking does not change the outcome, i've tried. bribery with night lights and gummy vitamins is kind of working, as is pleading to let me go to bed, too. nissa just gets caught in the middle, since she's bone tired by the end of the day and truly wants to sleep; but ani is overtired and eager to turn on the lights, climb up into nissa's bed, and play all night.

last night was a pleasant change of pace, but needs to be more the norm than the exception that it was. i laid down with ani in her bed and after a few short minutes, both were fast asleep. i wish we could do that more often. i love ani's little face, breathing quietly, still with the sweet breath of a child.

adam reminds me that we went through something like this with nissa when she was four. i do vaguely remember this. . . so my solution then was to offer to decorate her bed like rapunzel's castle. while we did all the supply gathering, it only yielded new sheets and a glow dinosaur. i still have all the supplies, so maybe we might revisit this idea and give ani a chance to like to be in bed again. cleaning first this weekend, but maybe an ikea/target run too? fingers crossed. we're all so tired.

Sigh

Ani just came downstairs an hour after she should have been in bed. "Help, the fan is on!" Why is the fan on? "It just turned on." Yeah, right. Just go to sleep. Please.

More funny words

The treat of mashed up avocados: bacamole

The device to change settings on the television: mamote

The snack of crunchy rolled oats: banola bars

Business to get prepared food: restanont

matroishka from grandma peggy's trip to st. petersburg: break dollies

favorite restanont of ani's, where you get happy meal toys: nickdonalds

Struggling

Maybe it's the long winter or drudgery of work , but lately i have been struggling to keep a cool head at home. No, screaming like a banshee does not, in fact, help us get us the door faster or get the girls into bed quicker, but it's what i feel i have to do lately out of feeling so frustrated. I'm not proud of it, especially when i hear the same words and harsh tones coming straight out of nissa's mouth directed at ani. That almost makes me even more frustrated and the spiral continues downward. 

Adam sees this behavior and points out the flaws and i can't disagree. But i'm so far down the rabbit hole that i cant find a solution either. I'm going to try to breathe more and go from there. 

Last night, i jokingly found two other options that might help as well. First, a generous margarita makes a lot of things better. Totally takes the edge off. Maybe one of those backpack style dispensers like at a baseball game would work? That, or moving back to 1950's england and smashing records  that i've ripped from my phonograph mid-song. Can't hurt.

The fact of the matter is this: i have wonderful kids, a wonderful husband, a decent job and all three of these aspects of my life deserve a respectful version of me, without the short temper. I have my work cut out for me.