waiting game

so, i have to admit, i'm disappointed to still be pregnant. sure, i'm only two days late (or one day late, if you go by the doctor's office, which clearly didnt' take into consideration the leap year).

yesterday's appointment with the doctor did not yield any new news. i've gained 3 pounds (whoa!) but my blood pressure and baby's heart rate were fine. i'm no more dilated than i was the last 2 weeks. we did discuss next steps, though, including a non-stress test on monday (which consists of sitting on a fetal monitor for 30 minutes and watching baby's reactions) and considering induction for either 11/20 or 11/25.

i really dont' want to have to be induced, but my doctor won't let me go much past 41 weeks. i really struggled with this concept all day yesterday. maybe it was because i was a bit over tired (gibson got me up at 3:30 and i only got 1 more hour of sleep before i had to get going) but i was almost to the point of tears thinking about being induced. i don't like the idea of the birth not progressing naturally and i really don't like the prospect of having more severe contractions as a result of chemical stimulation. then again, i don't want the little one bringing illness upon him/herself because he/she is feeling too comfy.

but, since my doctor's appointment yesterday, adam and i have talked and i think i've come to terms with the concept of inducing. there is a certain amount of comfort in having an end date, a goal of sorts where i know i won't have to wait past. of course, i have to remember that very little will be plan-able from here on out: when the baby will sleep, when breastfeeding will work, when the baby will learn the thousands of amazing things there are to learn. . . i've known gibson only 10 months and to think of how much he's learned in that short time, how much he's changed and grown, and how much more he has yet to do; i'm already in awe of what we have to look forward to with our new little one.

so, the big day will be 11/20, unless the baby chooses to make an appearance before then. in the interim, i continue to confound my coworkers by coming into work (what's the big deal in sitting in front of a computer all day and getting paid?). something i do think that's kinda neat is adam and i have started chatting more. we've always had a very open, well-communicated relationship, but with the baby due at any minute, we check in more, keep closer tabs on the little things. i'm sure it's short lived, but it's very reassuring to know he's just as anxious and excited as i am, and as eager to stay on the same page.

something else that just makes me smile is watching adam and gibson play together. yesterday afternoon the 2 of them wrestled and wrangled for the better part of an hour on the bed and it totally made my day. the best part was when gibson got really riled up and bounced around the bed, then took off down the hall, scrambled to turn around and come barreling back in towards the bed. it was hilarious to watch (especially the turning around part) and adam and i both got a good laugh from it. judging from gibson's eagerness to continue the play and happy barking, i'm guessing he had a good time too. we even all hung out on the bed together, one big snuggle fest as a family. i can't believe the baby is willing to miss all the fun, just to stay where it's warm and cozy. we have warm and cozy moments on the outside too!

what i'm not so keen on are people asking about the doctor's appointments- is there any new news? no. unless i was in labor while in the office, there'd be no new information. i'm still in the same position i was in last week, which is ripe and ready to go into labor at any point. i haven't had any contractions, so i'm no more dilated. the baby's dropped already, so that's not going to change (man, wouldnt' that be weird if it did!). beyond that, i'm still as comfortable as i've been and not having any problems doing my day-to-day stuff.

oh baby. we can't wait to meet you!

bummed

on monday i was bummed to discover that i can no longer do sit ups as part of my morning work out. it seems my abdominal muscles have split and it's really not safe any more. and by the way, super creepy to see your stomach go from rounded to pointy. . . oh well. i've been focusing on the elliptical since then, on which i can focus on cardio and posture, but get baby's heart moving too, and thinking about coming out!

yesterday i was bummed to have adam insist that i cannot have my annual mcrib sandwich. that famed mcdonald's sandwich available for a brief time each year is no longer an option while i am carrying and/or breastfeeding adam's child. argh! i only have one a year, but this year will have to be sacrificed. i guess i can understand, but i will never fully appreciate adam's dislike and distrust of the poor little pressed-pork sandwich. oh well.



today i'm bummed to find myself at work on my due date. i'm far from miserable, just eager to meet this little one. and eager to not have to get up early to go to work for a while. but mostly eager to meet the little one and get started on that chapter in our lives. my intuition insists that the baby will arrive any day now, but my brain is starting to say "brace for the worst" which could mean up to 2 more weeks of waiting and/or being induced. i'm not sure i could handle 2 more weeks of work, since i am so mentally and practically prepared for being out. the prospect of being induced intimidates me, both in the unnatural aspect of it and the likelihood of more intense contractions and increased possibility of needing an epidural or (gulp) further interventions. if only the baby would just arrive already. . . the suspense is killing me.

final stretch

so we're in the final stretch and i have to admit, i'm a bit anxious. like i told kate over the weekend: its like waiting to go get a new puppy, but instead of saying, "ok, let's go to the store now," i have to wait for the puppy to be brought to me AND i have to work for it. sure, it's a bad analogy, but it's the best my brain can come up with right now.

friday was a weird day for the process because i think my uterus was flexing on and off. nothing i think were contractions, but definitely new sensations than what i've experienced to date. then sunday at 5am, i woke up to what i think was a real contraction (extremely intense flex with a slight pang), but nothing else since. it's been so quiet that adam and i aren't ruling out the possibility of imagining it. . . i was asleep after all.

selfishly, i was hoping to not have to come to work today, but alas, here i am. i'm just so mentally prepared for baby (and for not being at work) that it's hard to just focus on the day. adam and i had to admit to ourselves out loud that we can't live out the next few days (gulp, weeks?) in an awkward limbo. we have to keep doing things (like stuff around the house, making plans with people) until baby says otherwise, or else go completely stir crazy. it's almost like cabin fever in winter: if you get outside and embrace the winter (and get some sun on your face), it makes getting through it easier. of course part of me would love to just sit on the couch until the baby arrives, but reality says i'll get bored really quick. plus, i think if i stay busy (and moving around), baby will be inspired to join us on the outside.

so come on, baby! come join us. anybody who is anybody is out here. . . it's the place to be!

11/4/08

on tuesday november 4th, 2008, gibson celebrated his first year of life. he got a magical stuffed duck toy that combined stuffed animal, squeaker, rope and ball. he enjoyed a special birthday dinner with chicken and cheese added to his kibble. he got to hang out with amy and karl, 2 people that engage his craziness and he loved every minute of it.

but we all got a very special present yesterday, the gift of a new president we can believe in. for the first time in my voting experience, there was a candidate i truly supported, not just selected as the lesser of two (or more) evils. even more historic, the candidate i chose actually won, and by a fair enough margin that the other candidate conceded by 10pm. added bonus: he's a sox fan!

barack and michelle's harvard law advisor was on comedy central last night and made an excellent point: the winner of the presidential election has a special obligation to keep this newly engaged nation engaged; to keep that interest and momentum going and make government something to be positively enthusiastic about, instead of ignorantly ambivalent. i look forward to obama's efforts in that respect because i believe he can accomplish that task.

i'm excited that our baby will arrive when it will be completely expected to have a black president. i said that yesterday morning, and i'm glad to see that baby will SEE a black president, not just a candidate. i'm excited that our next president has a real, human side. i'm excited that he is our generation's kennedy, but i'm hoping he doesn't follow in kennedy's footsteps. i'm excited to be hopeful in our nation's future.

question

if i bought my parent's house and am living there, does that count as "still living at home"?